Beyond Orientation: Where Students Really Learn Independence

Sending your child off to college is about more than paying tuition and hoping they make friends.

It’s a major life transition — and how well they adapt depends in part on the environment you and the university help create.

In his piece “Fixing Higher Ed Begins at Home — And Students’ Homes Away from Home,” GapWell's Seth Kessler argues that the path to student success starts long before move‑in day — and that student housing has a powerful role to play.

Here’s what parents can take away from his perspective — and how you can help your teen make the most of their first year.

1. Realistic Expectations: Growth, Not Magic

Many of us parents secretly hope that the university will flip a switch: “Here’s your kid — now turn them into a responsible adult with a job ready on Day 1.” Kessler cautions that this expectation is unrealistic. Students arrive with varying skills in decision‑making, time management, coping, and self‑care. Don’t assume that 18 years of parenting have done all the work — and don’t let the pressure of “instant adulthood” fall unfairly on your teen.

2. Their First Independent Home Matters

Kessler makes a compelling point: student housing is often where independence is first tested in earnest.

Within those walls, your teen will:

• Cook, or try to cook, their own meals

• Negotiate living with a roommate

• Face unstructured time without oversight

• Navigate emotional lows, stress, or isolation

Because of all this, the design and programming of campus (or off‑campus) housing should intentionally support growth — not just comfort. That means offering shared kitchens, “common” spaces that promote interaction, peer mentorship forums, and quiet reflection areas.

As a parent, you can ask questions about your child’s housing options: How much structure or support is built in? Are there resident assistants or peer mentors? What kinds of social or learning programs are offered?

3. Bridging the Readiness Gap

Kessler cites data from a 2024 GapWell survey showing only 32 percent of students felt academically confident, and 75 percent wanted more help during their freshman year.

These readiness gaps contribute to attrition, mental health struggles, and student turnover. When students are poorly adjusted, they’re more likely to transfer, drop out, or become “high‑risk tenants” (in housing terms).

As a parent, you can work preemptively to bridge these gaps:

• Encourage your teen to learn basic life skills ahead of time — budgeting, cooking, cleaning, time planning

• Talk openly about challenges: roommate conflict, homesickness, academic pressure

• Help them build a “toolkit” (e.g. contacts on campus, mental health resources) before problems snowball

4. Collaborate with the Institution

Kessler argues that fixing higher education isn’t just the university’s burden. It starts at home — and continues in the residential spaces they inhabit. Good student housing is more than beds and leases. It’s about embedding supports, designing spaces that foster connection, and treating housing as part of the student success ecosystem.

As parents, you have a voice. You can:

• Ask university housing directors about programming designed for first‑year students

• Stay engaged in parent networks or forums

• Advocate for investment in student support services tied to housing

5. Supporting Your Teen Without Overstepping

Balancing help and independence is tricky. Your teen may still need encouragement, advice, or even occasional check‑ins. But this is also the time to let them carry the weight of consequences — learning from mistakes is part of growth.

Offer support, but let responsibility shift. For instance:

• Ask how they plan to manage meals, cleaning, time, and social life

• Coach them to solve roommate or scheduling issues, rather than doing it for them

• Let them face the discomfort of adjustment, while assuring them you’re a safety net

The road to student success isn't paved solely by lectures, curriculum, or campus branding. It begins at home.

The road to student success isn’t paved solely by lectures, curriculum, or campus branding. It begins at home — in how we prepare our children to live independently — and is reinforced by the environments we help them move into.

Thoughtfully designed housing, peer mentorship, common spaces, and programs that nurture resilience matter. If you, as a parent, enter the partnership with university systems — asking questions, setting expectations, and nurturing maturity — you can help your teen not just survive college, but grow through it.

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Seth Kessler is the co-founder and managing director of GapWell. The GapWell Guide is a powerful resource for universities and student housing community owners / operators seeking to support holistic student well-being. The full Industry Voices column by Seth Kessler can be found HERE in Student Housing Business.