What About Parents?

Parents have feelings too, you know.....

At GapWell we are focused on your kid's journey from high school to career.

We know full well parents and caregivers are part of the equation too.

While it’s your child’s task to take that experience, to launch and to grow, you have a task too.

Parents have to transition from chief problem solver to part-time consultant and full-time admirer of their child.

You want to spend your energy in a way that will help that child grow their confidence, capability and courage. And like we learned that our kids thrive and crave advice from older students who have recently "been there / done that" , we thought we’d offer the same for the parents and caregivers.

We talked to Certified Parent Educator and Parent Coach Paige Trevor for her top tips and suggestions for GapWell parents:

Own Your Emotions

Don’t make your kids responsible for your emotional wellbeing.  Kids go through ups and downs and we want to be there for them, not on the roller coaster with them.

Paige likes to remind us that EVERYONE is entitled to, “Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.”

That word ‘pursuit’ before happiness is the key.

We can’t give our kids happiness, and we certainly can’t demand it through them. So while your child is away take the time to experiment, or remember what pursuits make you happy. Is it a dance class, a long day on the golf course, or just a Facetime with an old friend? 

Phone a Friend

Paige suggests finding someone a few years ahead of you on this journey (sound familiar, parents of GapWell Guide subscribers?).

Look for someone who is not judgmental or a know it all.  

When you feel the anxiety creeping in to text, check or worry, reach out to your wiser ‘Peer Coach’ instead.

Arm yourself with useful questions that will create that supportive change. Try things like: 

• Would you do anything differently if you could go back in time? 

  
  

• How did you distract yourself when you were in a worry loop?

  
  

• What’s the best thing about having your kid away? 

Texting with Intention

It’s so wonderful to stay connected and to be available to your child. But you don’t want to overdo advice giving or rescuing.

Consider if you have accidentally trained your child that the texting relationship is uneven.

Is it that your texts can go unanswered for hours, even days?

But you are expected to text back immediately with the answer to that question about the plane flight, or the bank account, or how to do a load of laundry.

Give your child some time to solve their own problems.

Paige doesn’t recommend being a a jerk, but a few hours of not being available might get them into a new action. And that new action just might create the capability and confidence everyone has been looking for. 

Being a parent feels hard because the job changes so frequently. When you receive your child your job is ‘do everything’ and then 18 or 22 years later the job is ‘do (almost) nothing’.

Parents and caregivers need help, advice and support too. No need to go it alone, there are peers and information out there to help you thrive while you support your child. Your child’s adventure is the perfect opportunity for you to have an adventure of your own!

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Paige Trevor is a certified parent educator and coach as well as a professional organizer and time management coach (https://www.paigetrevor.com/). Be sure to tell her your friends from the GapWell Guide sent you!